so that wasnt chicken after all
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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