i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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