i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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