He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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