She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
