what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
