did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
