Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize