I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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