If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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