Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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