Pants 0. Shit 1.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i think my cat just said my name.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
