I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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