Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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