why do cheetos always look like penises
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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