it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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