I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
