Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
