I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize