Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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