i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
