Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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