I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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