Define "chronic" masturbator.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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