i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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