don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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