i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
