remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
