He uses pillows to masturbate.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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