So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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