careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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