my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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