roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
