He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
