Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
