I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
