fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
