Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
