i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
