It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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