I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
