I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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