Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize