Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
