WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
