There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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