a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
