he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
