So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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