Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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