I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
