Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
