So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
