yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
