tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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