how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
