I just made out with a guy for $7.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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