I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
