I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
