I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
