think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
there is puke in my bra ... again
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