I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
In America we eat man semen.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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