You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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