And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
